Putting Myself on the Line

Well, today was Drill Team tryouts for Lehi High school.  It's my last chance to be on it before I'm out of high school.  I am so scared at this moment! I'm waiting for the coach to post up the list of names of girls that made it on the team.  The tryouts were from 12:30-4:00pm and she said the list would be posted up after 6:00pm and WELL.... It's 7:56pm as I type this and I'm starting to freak out!  I did fall while trying out so I don't know how this is going to go.
I really hope to be able to make it on this team, it's what I've been waiting for since I moved to Lehi.  Being on the Drill Team pushes me so much harder and is almost a necessary to me.  It's so hard to not be on a dance team, especially the Drill Team.
I am a little sad that there is no chance of being an Officer on this Drill Team, where I would have been the captain at West if I were still going there.  Really hard to not cry because of that fact, but I am pushing through it.  As long as I am able to be on the team and dance till I drop, I will be okay.  Drill is a huge part of my life since I started.

Either way I"M READY TO ROCK LEHI.... TAKING IT BY STORM



Well it's now 8:23pm and I just found I didn't make the team.... Here comes a broken heart... :'(

Mother Daughter Date

Now I know it's April Fools day, but I didn't do anything special other than I had a date with my mother.  I know that sounds weird, the thought of a mother daughter date may take you back at first.  But it was nice, we went and got ice cream then went to a party and just sat and talked.

For a while, since we moved, I had the feeling that we were slowly separating from each other.  We were always the best of friends, to a point that almost every girl wished she had the same relationship with her mother. My mother and I were fighting more and a lot of crazy things were happening at home, to a point that I was scared to talk to her.  I didn't know if I said one thing that I would get in trouble or not.

On the mother daughter date we talked about a lot things and I feel that we are a lot closer now.  I feel so much better and I'm glad that we were able to get away from the world for a moment and just sit and talk about random things.  One bib subject was me getting a bikini, now I already have two, but I want to be able to wear them without the chance of getting in trouble. I am 17 so only one more year before they can't tell me no, but I would like their approval still.  

I'm hoping everything works out still xD Looking forward to the future days!

Never Again For You

Feels like I have always known you,
For dreams have the tendency to feel like a reality

Your stylish ways are all too eye-catching
The warmth of your arms always giving tantalizing comfort
I thought you excellent in every way possible
The look in your eyes emulating a veracious attribute
Your attitude, your talent, your presence being entertaining in many a way
Nimbleness in your heart shows as the music takes control of your body
Just as I

Finally the feeling of belonging
For once my reality is better than my dreams
you were different from what I was used to
You left me speechless, breathless with just a mere thought of you
Fell head over heels
Only to be heartbroken
Once again...
For you weren't the person I thought you were

Thought it would be easy for me to resist
I thought I was stronger than this

Your figure was only a sanctimonious creature
The comforting feeling was now a tenacious pain
Everything that seemed so good was instead egregious lie
Your touch, your voice, and your look was really venomous and deadly
Just being around you or the thought is too eerie to comprehend
Nonchalant is your true being

I can see it now
For your name brings a disgust to my heart
You weren't who I thought you were

Now you and I will never stand
Your name is a venomous eerie word

All I can say now is...
Never again for you!

Life Plus the Boys

     Life is difficult already as it is, but when you add the opposite gender into the mix... Well that's is a heck of a more complicated than it really needs to be.  And yet ,you, males can't get rid of, us, females, and, us, females cant get rid of, you, males.
     Anyway, there was a lot of stuff that went down with my boys today. 'My' boys as in my friends and my boyfriend. <3 <(^_^)> <3 Anyhow! I shall tell the background information first, so that it is more understandable in both point of views.


NAMES ARE DIFFERENT THAN THEY ARE IN REAL LIFE, Just to protect the image of my boys, I don't want their names to be flaunted all over the internet without them being okay with it.


     Dylan and I are the same age, we dance together and when we graduated from the dance class we took, we became teacher aides because of our passion to dance.  We hit it off the year after we graduated, flirting, and going on one date together.  I didn't feel a connection on the date so I kind of pushed those feelings away for the moment being, but that didn't go well with the next time I saw him. Because I fell for him again, he acted a little different when we were on the date than how he normally acts when there are other people around that he knows, but little did I know that he had gotten a girlfriend over the small amount of time the dance class wasn't up and running.
     With his new girlfriend into play, I pushed my feelings completely away, I would only allow myself to be friends with him.  Nothing more, to protect myself from getting hurt.


     Issac, his younger brother had a thing for me since he saw me dancing my last year in the class.  How I knew this, was because of his best friend Zach would tell me.  Zach having a small crush on me at that time too. I never thought Issac was a possibility because of that fact. I thought of him as a stalker, haha, so I never really talked to him and he never tried to talk to me.
      It wasn't till this year that Issac I started talking to each other. His personality caught my attention and then he would dance big and crazy to catch my attention more. We talked more and more and when the performance time rolled around, I had a crush on him.  I wouldn't admit it, cause I was scared to like a younger guy.  Issac would flirt like none other, but I thought nothing of it, I thought he was doing it for fun.  It wasn't till one of the other students told me that he over heard Issac talking about wanting to ask me out.  That made me curious and so I asked around to see if it was true.
     It wasn't till I found his other best friend Derek that I found out, Issac had pussied out on asking me out for about three times.  It was Derek that convinced me to get the guts to ask him out.  To help Issac from the nerves of doing it himself. It wasn't till after the last performance that I asked him out, he was surprised and excited at the same time.


Everything was great... until today...
Dylan had finally found out, which is weird cause we weren't hiding it from anyone. Dylan texted me in the morning and was pretty much yelling at me... The conversation goes as followed:


Dylan: I'm disappointed in you right now so I tell you something and I say not to do something but yet apparently it don't matter what I say because all that matters is what you want so guess what I'm not helping you at all anymore because all I say goes in one ear and out the other
Me: Dylan that's not true... I'm sorry that I didn't listen, but I had my reasons... You're one of my best friends, so I did take your words into consideration.
Dylan: Why?
Me: Cause he makes me happy, why should I let someone I like and makes me happy go?
Dylan: Well I never said go, I said wait! Damn it!
Me: You said not to be with him cause of all the things he has done, and he can't date till after his mission. Well, honestly I'm not going to wait that long! He is not the only guy I can trust, thanks for being a friend and being happy for me..... Means a lot to me </3
Dylan: Well, I'm sorry, but I've been hurt too and I deal with it.
Me: What does it matter to you if I'm with Issac? It's not like you were going to do anything!!! At least have love for your brother and be happy that he is finally happy!!!
Dylan: Issac is a dumbass and doesn't know how to keep himself happy. I tried to keep you and him out of trouble, but not I don't care. Good job, now all I can do is die because that's all I'm good for.
Me: He is not!
Dylan: Whatever I don't care anymore because you never cared what I thought anyway.
Me: Dylan..... I do care! I wouldn't be fighting this if I didn't care. What seems to be is you don't care whatsoever for your brother or a friends. I'm not sorry for being with him, but I am sorry that your dumbass selfish personality can't handle it.
Dylan: You know what I can but I told you to wait for his safety but apparently you don't care for his safety.
Me: Dylan.... what does having a girlfriend do to ruin his safety?
Dylan: Because he is underage and that means if he dates then his life will be messed up in the future.
Me: He is 15!!! I started dating when I was 13 and I turned out okay! Plus he is turning 16 this year!
Dylan: You know what, if you don't do something about it, I will. And it won't be pretty and you'll hate me the rest of your life.




Long Story Short!
I liked a guy and we hit it off for a year, then he got a girlfriend so I pushed those feelings away for him.
His younger brother always liked me, but I never really saw him as someone I would like till this year when he started to talk to me more and his older brother was out of the picture.
Me and the younger brother are right now a couple and the older brother started yelling at me this morning. Because I didn't listen to him about his younger brother and what not. But I honestly think that it's because his girlfriend broke up with him and now he is jealous of his little brother

What is Fear

What is fear?

Is fear the tear that falls?

Is fear tall?

Fat? Short? or Small?

What casuses fear?

Is it of the unknown?

The coulds? The mights? The should haves?

What is fear?

You can't touch it

Smell it or hear it

It must be in our heads

Nothing but a mere thought

Yet fear controls so much!